It's not easy being green

So it begins. Jealousy. Envy. I wish I had a thesaurus so I could make my point better, but those two words are all I've got.

I knew this was going to happen. It is inevitable. One of my friends is pregnant.

Let me explain...I am part of a Mom's Club. It is wonderful. There are oodles of kids Andrew's age and the mom's are all nice, interesting, and considerate. When I threw the patch out the window, none of them were trying to conceive. But I knew. Once there kids turned 2 or were almost 2 they would start trying for another. I gave myself a big head start.

But S. got pregnant 2 weeks after she threw out her birth control. She let it slip while at my house last night. I am so happy for her. I love her daughter and it will be so fun to share this with her and new babies are so cute and I know her well enough that I'll actually get to cuddle it.

I'm sure she is just the first of many. Most of my friends in Mom's Club got pregnant on their first or second month or trying. Why not the second time? And I'm really happy. Really.

And just a teeny bit jealous.

Things I know logically (and try to remind myself every day):
--I have been blessed with a beautiful, funny, healthy little boy which is more than many people ever get
--There are much worse things than an only child. We could do some amazing things as a family if there was only the expense of one child.
--I haven't been trying even a year yet, and it takes some people multiple years to get a positive pregnancy test
--I have a fabulous marriage, house, life which completes me in every way and makes me happy down to my bones
--I am not infertile. I have successfully gotten pregnant twice and will probably again.
--We started trying early so if it did take us a long time, our kids wouldn't be too far apart. Even if it takes me another year, they will still be less than 4 years apart...totally acceptable in my book.

Things I know emotionally (and try to forget every day):
--I am impatient and a control freak. I know what I want and I want it NOW!
--I really want Andrew to have a sibling. My siblings drive me crazy, but I wouldn't trade them FOR THE WORLD. I want Andrew to have that relationship in life...there's nothing like it.
--I wanted things to be ironic. As in "Isn't it ironic that it took me so long to get pregnant with Andrew and yet I got pregnant in the first try this time". Uh, think again.
--I don't like charting, having to think every cycle, false hope, forced intimacy. I want this to be fun.
--I hate failure. Why have I never accomplished anything in my life? Because I quit if I can't do it perfectly right away. A HUGE personality fault of mine. And this is something I can't do perfectly right away, but I want so bad I'm not willing to quit. So, in a nutshell...IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!

What a cheery post! I really am happy my friends are getting pregnant. Seriously. I love babies, and wouldn't want to deprive the world of a single one (except maybe that really annoying one at the mall yesterday who stepped on Andrew's fingers on purpose, laughed, pushed him, and her mother never said a word, just took her hand and walked her away!).

I do know Andrew is meant to have a sibling, even if that ends up being a Labrador puppy. Okay, so that's just sad. :) Just pray for me to have patience and wait for the little one that is meant to be a part of my family! And if you could maybe pray that it is the kind that walks on 2 legs, that would be great!