Cruisin'...Spurgeon style

Ancient civilizations studied the intricacies of nature to try and make sense of the world around them. They would watch nature around them to predict the future and adjust their decisions likewise.

It's sad that so many of these traditions and skills have been lost over the ages. We could have saved ourselves a lot of money this past week.

Before I begin, some details. I don't want to get sued by the cruise company should I ever become famous and this blog is read by millions (oh, how boring our society would have become if this piece of garbage is ever that widely read). So from here on out we will call it the God-damned Cruise (GDC). I'm not being blasphemous. This cruise really was cursed by the heavens.

Okay, here is the GOOD of our cruise:
1) I got a much needed break from my toddler. I feel energized and ready to figure out how time-outs work and what I will do to entertain us when we are socked in by cold weather
2) Jeff and I really re-connected on this trip. Not that we were ever disconnected, but it is just nice to remember all the little reasons why we married in the first place. I just love being with that guy. Plain and simple. And it was nice to enjoy it without being exhausted by our days or with a 35 pound toddler crammed in the middle.
3) We really enjoyed the time spent with our friends. I am SO GLAD we went with Pamela and Justin. Without them, it would have just been Jeff and I bitching in our cabin. This way, we were able to leave the cabin and bitch in common places.
4) The weather was really nice on Sunday.
5) Our cabin was really comfortable and nice. I loved eating 8 square meals a day. And not having to clean up ANYTHING. I am a fat person (and I don't mean "phat" like Cindy Crawford)
6) We left the ship casino at the end of the week $100 richer!
7) The staff was AMAZING. We got service like I've gotten before. If only that terrific staff had more to work with.

The BAD of our cruise:
1) Could we have stopped at crappier ports? I think not. I don't even know how to go into more detail than that. These Mexican cities are not equipped to deal with cruise traffic. In Veracruz, we literally had 4 choices for excursions. 3 of those were city tours. When we got there, the port authority had forbidden all small boats out of the harbor (yes, the weather was that good). So we rush downstairs to the shore excursion desk to try and get on a city tour...but the desk was closed. Typical of the GDC, since everything on the ship was only open for about an hour a day. So nothing to do in Veracruz for 8 hours but walk around in the rain and shop. Ugh.
2) The GDC offered nothing to do but drink, get drunk, and keep drinking. After that, you could watch some TERRIBLE shows (talent shows at elementary schools are more entertaining) or drink some more. You would think there was never bad weather! They didn't know what to do with us on the ship!?!? After a few hours of yucky rain, the GD cruise director came on the loud-speaker and announced excitedly "We will be showing 'Rebound' in the lounge!" Really? "Rebound"?
3) As alluded to above...the weather was not that great. Not too bad. But not great.
4) The ruins were puny. Don't get me wrong...I was excited that I could even get off the ship. But the ruins were a disappointment. And our tour guide (that we paid MUCHO DINERO for through GDC) could barely speak English. Excuse me, but if I'm going to pay 4 times as much to take the tour through the GDC, shouldn't they at least get me a tour guide that knows my language??? If I wanted to translate into English, I would have picked up a scruffy Mexican at the port and paid him $10 to give me a tour of the ruins.


The UGLY...
This is just the icing on my shit cake that was our vacation--So I decided to get a full body massage. The works...sea-weed wrap (which is basically making you look like a baked potato), foot massage, scalp massage, full body. Picture me buck nekked, coated in soothing sea-weed (to get rid of my 'toxins'), and wrapped in tin foil. Now picture me squirming in pain, wrapped in tin foil, in a sound proof room alone (I was probably supposed to be meditating while the toxins fled my body). Yea, the sea-weed reacted with my back. So I have blotchy red patches all over the middle of my back which STILL feel like bad sunburn...and it's been almost a week.

Yup...the minute New Orleans was flooded beyond repair, I should have run screaming. And it'll be a cold day you know where before I get on that GDC company again!