Life changes

Having Andrea here made me realize just how quickly life changes. She is a college senior...well, her first senior year anyway. It honestly doesn't seem that long ago that I was there...and I guess it has only been 8 years. But yikes!

Andrea is a GREAT aunt. She is eternally patient with her nephew, who alternates between giving her evil looks out of the corner of his eye and making her play endless rounds of football. Her niece is a bonafide momma's girl ALREADY, so any "quality" time with her involves walking around with a screaming baby. And all Andrea's skills come so naturally...I know she doesn't have much experience with little kids or babies.

I could tell after a few days that Andrea had had enough of our little funhouse. Really, I think it is quite shocking. Last week, she was studying for finals, kissing her boyfriend, watching movies, talking about interesting scientific discoveries or hypothetical ethical questions. She maybe went out for a quick bite to eat or popped into the car to run quick errands at fun places like bookstores or music and movie stores. Then she came to my house. We take HOURS to just shower and get ready in the morning. Loading into the car involves one SCREAMING infant, dragging a reluctant pre-schooler into his car seat, watching Toy Story and Cars...just one more time. And that is just when we get out of the house...which only happened once or twice while she was here. I tried to think of interesting things to do...really I did! We went to a puppet show...which sucked beyond sucking because it turned out to be a final project for a local adult ed college. We went to see the incredible lights display near our house, but Lily screamed her head off almost the entire time...very relaxing. We did have a good time at the Please Touch museum...Andrea seemed very excited about the pretend grocery store and rolling balls display.

Most days we were just at home, though. Not too exciting. And it made me remember being Andrea's age. Of course, when I was Andrea's age, I was married, teaching 5th graders, living in California, trying not to kill myself. But when I was a senior in college I mean. Good Lord...looking at a family with kids seemed so far away. I try to see my life through Andrea's eyes. No freedom. No traveling. Cleaning up poop all day long. Staring blankly at my husband through sleepy eyes with nothing to talk about but poop. Who am I kidding, Andrew doesn't even let us get a word in edgewise about that.

Now, just 8 years later, I am where I want to be. Some days I think I must be crazy to want this life...but amazingly it is just the right fit (maybe minus all the moving). I want to be getting cheezy thumbs up from my very own little dork. I want the sticky kisses and the soft "You're the one I love" whispered in my ear at night. I want to play tea party with dinosaurs and to drop my fork on the floor for the 30th time (just to hear the giggles) and to hide a candy cane on the tree so a little person can search for it, only to throw a tantrum in frustration 30 seconds after not being able to find it. I want to rock a baby for hours, just to keep her from crying. To gaze into a tiny face and talk like a moron, if only to hear that sweet little coo or see that squinty smile that lights up her face. I want to look up from these two little creatures and groan and roll my eyes and laugh and laugh and laugh with that one other person who understands what it means to love them so much it hurts. To cherish every minute alone with my husband, because those moments are so rare it makes them precious. I want that special gift of seeing the world new through little ones eyes...even if it means I haven't seen a movie in 2 years, or have anything interesting to say at dinner parties, or never really get invited to dinner parties anyway. I know deep down I have plenty of time left to do those things...these are just a few years out of a hopefully long life.

I'm glad I am where I am. But I'm also glad I didn't get here too early. If she wants to, Andrea will get here soon enough...and hopefully by then, I'll be the one going on a cruise and she'll be cleaning up poop at home ;) (for the record, I'm not at all jealous, Andrea)