The birth story

All right, so Andrew is with Daddy at The Playground, and Lily is sleeping...like always. So I'll jot down an abbreviated version of Lily's birth.

Let's see, I think it can all be summed up with a little equation:

Giselle + excruciating pain + extreme fear + narcotics = irrational, hysterically screaming, hysterically sobbing banshee.

So things didn't go EXACTLY as I had planned. When do these things ever?

Now's the time for some of you to stop reading. Seriously...I can't believe some of the people who check into this blog. Do my dad's co-workers really want a visual of me giving birth? Please tell me no. :)


For those of you interested in more details, here's a timeline of the day:

7am- check into hospital for planned induction. I am found to be 1-2 centimeters dilated.

10am- finally get the pitocin started to induce contractions. Apparently it is not a good idea to be induced during a full moon...too many people on the floor to get proper attention.

12pm- Dr. G comes and breaks my water. I am now 2 centimeters dilated. Contractions immediately step up in intensity. And I find myself sitting in a pool of water. Ewwww.

3pm- Shift change. My old nurse leaves me by turning up the pitocin a little bit.

3:30pm- I officially want the epidural. New nurse comes in and checks me...I am only 3 centimeters. I really wanted to get to 5-6 before getting the epidural. She wants me to finish my bag of saline before getting the epidural. Things seem to be moving slowly, so we agree to give me a little narcotic to "take the edge off" and then will get epidural when my IV is finished.

4pm- I am now screaming/ panting through contractions every 2 minutes. Jeff is an angel. I really really want my epidural. I'm no hero...give me the drugs!

4:15-4:30- A scream from me brings my nurse running. She checks me, and I have dilated to an 8!!! She tells me not to push and runs out to get the doctor with the drugs.

4:30- Drug doc comes. I am trying to answer his questions with hand gestures because the contractions are so strong. Suddenly, I feel like I am pushing (I won't describe how the pain changed...a bit graphic for my silly little blog). I yell "I am pushing". Pandemonium breaks out. Jeff is shoved in a corner to make room for the nurses running in and out. Drug doc leaves without giving me the drugs...I am apparently crowning at this point and it is too late for me. I realize this and PANIC. Andrew did A LOT of damage, and now I'm facing that damage with no drugs. Couple that with narcotics that made me feel slightly drunk (no pain relief) and I was a swearing, screaming idiot. In between contractions, I sobbed and pleaded with my doctor to do something (uh...too late, crazy lady).

4:46- 3 hysterical contractions later, Lily popped out into the world. But did the hysterics end? No, I still was screaming as they tortured me. Sure, it's important to get the placenta out. Sure, I didn't want to hemmorage to death. Yes, I did want my parts stitched back together. But did they have to torture me so??? Could I get an epidural now?

All in all, it wasn't the pain that was so terrible, it was my over-riding fear of having a 4th degree without meds. I have seriously never been so scared in my life. But it was really quick, and now I can say I've experienced it. Sure, I feel like writing an apology note to my delivery staff...this is also the most embarrassed I've ever been in my life. Talk about losing control!!!

So there. I did it. Natural childbirth. And if I'm ever crazy enough to get pregnant again, I'm requesting my epidural in the 7th month.